INNOCENT CAB RIDE TURNS INTO GLIMPSE OF HELL?

West Hezelton, it seems, is under seige by the unnatural! Chester Dunwiddy dozed off during his cab ride home Wednesday. When he awoke, as he often did, he glanced out the window. What awaited him outside was not the lovely country side but a TERRIFYING glimpse of the afterlife.

"There weren't angels and harps," Dunwiddy, a professional horseshoes player, told Tattler. "It was more like—more like, well, firey, sort of."

When Tattler asked if it might have been HELL, Dunwiddy grew suddenly hesitant. "Why would you say a thing like that?" he demanded. "Are you saying that I'm gonna end up in Hell? Because if you're saying that, I say turn that finger 'round on yourself! I've been a better man than any of you writers at that trash rag!"

Of course, we at Tattler VERY much doubt that, considering Mr. Dunwiddy's three arrests for public indecency and public drunkenness.

Mystery Lothario is a Tiger in Bed

Tattler urges its readers to be on their guard against a wave of unusual sex attacks that have recently plagued West Hezelton. However this pest is not preying on women but instead on young MEN. In an EXCLUSIVE interview with Tattler, our correspondent spoke with the most recent victim, Aiden Blake (23). "It was the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me," says attractive student Aiden. "I invited the guy home and then he must have slipped me something because next thing it was like he turned into some kind of MONSTER—literally! His face changed, he looked like a cat." Our sources confirm that Aiden met his feline bedfellow whilst on a night out with pals in trendy nightspot CHROME. Aiden admits that the ordeal left him with mixed feelings, "I didn't want to come forward with a complaint at first because the SEX was fantastic." Seems to Tattler that there's more to this cat's-tale than meets the cat's-eye!